Family Double Dare: Physical Challenge 2015

You might not remember, but Marc Summers certainly does. Family Double Dare was a game show on Nickelodeon that ran for many years in our youth. For me, I was probably 7 years old or so which means Jess might not remember quite as clearly. But the best part of that game show was the SLIME when you’re watching from the safety of your home. On the show, all these families would go through these messy physical challenges to make it to the final obstacle course with the chance to win the big money while being clobbered with muck, ick and yuck the whole way.

Well that’s sometimes what our life is like with little Emerson Kate. Between the drool, the snot, the business, the wet and all other things imaginable, we’re basically running an obstacle course. We’ve got Mr. Goat on the floor, the stroller in the doorway, the shark towel hanging on the back of the door while you’re carrying 3 bottles of bath time necessities, Q-tips, night diaper, nose sucker, pajamas… oh and a baby in the other arm. You get the picture. And sometimes we’re rewarded in the form of big… smiles and snuggles. Which I guess is like big money except it lasts longer.

Well the latest physical challenge of the night was after bath time. It was during her night cap. We’ve upgraded her to a tablespoon of rice cereal. On a side note, rice cereal isn’t like a box of Rice Krispies, it’s just a powder made of rice. What a disappointment when I opened the box. No Dad snacks.

So Jess is making her baby-approved mixture of rice powder, milk powder, water and a shot of prune juice while I’m drying off the child, hoping not to smash her head on the granite again. We’re also cooking dinner at this time too. You might say, “things, they are a cluster.”

I get Emerson to the couch to watch some AFV and I try to give her the concoction. She resists. I try again. She resists. I give her the “milk” sign language and she finally acquiesces to my demand that she get some sustenance. Then that little girl stops less than halfway through the bottle. She’s done. Well Dad doesn’t think so and he grabs a velvet hanger that laid nearby. Emerson starts twirling it above her now absentmindedly drinking her libation. Finally!

Jess calls from the kitchen to inquire how things are going. I tell her our daughter has finished her drink and it’s time to burp. I pick up Emerson to my right hip and walk her over to her mother for some reason. Upon my return to the couch to start her nightly voyage into the dreamworld I get about to the sofa table when suddenly, my right arm feels warm. There’s a familiar splashing noise on the wood flood. I look down.

Clearly I didn’t finish the physical challenge on time. I’ve been SLIMED.  Apparently she doesn’t need 8 ounces of fluid after she drank 7 ounces only a few hours before.  Our Family Double Dare moment was a failure of communication leading to a truly terrible moment. I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to convey to Jess what just happened. So, for good measure, Emerson does it again. A second round of SLIME as I’m kneeling down to the ground. This time she gets my shorts, leg and some splatter to the couch. Doesn’t look like the Horn family is going to make it to the obstacle course at this rate.

I get Emerson to the ground fully and sit her away from it all. A third round of SLIME catches my other arm, hands, leg and shirt. Where is all of this coming from!? Jess gives me a towel, a scolding for not paying attention to her signs and starts us a second bath of the night. Big money, big prizes? Not when Dad is on your team.

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