Like all good scientists, we experiment on our child. Tonight we tested our hypothesis that she wants to eat real food with real people. Enter baby’s first biscuits. As Tropical Drool Storm Emerson descended upon our home this evening, we got her into her new, fancy OXO Tot Sprout Wooden High Chair and strapped her down like Dr. Frankenstein might have done with his monster. We were trying to decide which of our new devices to implement in this clinical trial: a toddler food squeeze bag or the baby dog biscuits.
It’s obvious what we chose. The little baby torture wafers it was. Jess smartly broke one into thirds so as not to give her the full 2.5″ rice disk all at once. Probably smart. I would have chosen to throw her in the pool to teach her to swim. Taking after mom’s example, I showed the spit hurricane how to eat one without actually eating it. They can’t be good. Like Pavlov’s dog, she got the hint and tried to nibble on the rusk.
Apparently they dissolve at the slightest hint of moisture, which is probably why they’re baby approved. But when she’s never tried to swallow something of substance, watching this was like watching a real human try to eat sandpaper. Plenty of dry heaving, a dad ready to shove his finger down her throat to save her from near death, and a tiny human learning how to eat. We had several beakers of H20 ready to douse our experiment into oblivion. And each little grimace on her tiny face, I covered her in water just to be sure. It was fascinating watching her learn… or drown. Whatever. We’re totally good scientists… er, uh parents.