Cinnamon Rolls, Cheekies and Baby Grease

Nightly routines are a must when you have a child. I’m sure everyone has their own. Ours used to be watching “Dragons” on Netflix until she was tired until our pediatrician shamed us for letting her watch TV at such a young age. Okay, he didn’t really do that, but he did inform us that although she fell asleep, it was a stimulant before bed, which wasn’t doing us any favors.

Since then we started reading, nay devouring, through Dr. Seuss and a variety of Bear-themed books, old Disney stories, animal books galore. You name it. Yet I never feel like we have enough variety. That kid is going to be a librarian someday.

Anyhow, after bath time, which usually entails a little floating, some pouring of water from a plastic drinking cup into a mini blue plastic toy pot, we enter into kind of a funny routine.

We say “bye bye water” and jump into the safety of a hooded children’s towel (Honest makes the best one of these, in our opinion), and immediately ask for a “muh-muh” and Mr. Goat.

As we nestle into the rocking chair that doesn’t recline (huge mistake), we leave the little naked E.K. in her cozy, snuggly towel and power through about 6 oz of milk and a short book. Loaded gun on your lap, you’re typically choosing a short book before the night diaper is properly installed.

*Editor’s Note: She doesn’t like interruptions for pictures of this routine. 
After We’re Going on a Bear Hunt or Baby Bear Sees Blue is quickly, but still in proper dramatic form, read aloud, Jess and I team up for the oiling of our little engine.

We use a squeeze bottle of lotion to slather the babe in thin white strips of lubricant, which reminded me of pouring the icing onto a cinnamon roll. Emmy Kate now knows what it feels like to be a breakfast treat, which is fitting considering how many people say they want to eat her up.

After a proper smearing, it’s time to do the maintenance to her grill. Emerson has a rough spot on her cheek that needs the Honest Healing Balm. We’ll say “cheekies” and she’ll point, smile and let us do our thing. This dolloping often happens during some nail trimming or earwax removing. It’s a full team, all hands on deck kind of thing.

Then comes the “baby grease”. Honest makes some sort of lavender-scented vapor rub that would knock a rhino over. Our little monster loves to push her finger into the slightly-harder-than-Vaseline jar and then put it on Dad’s neck. Literally I can smell it right now.

And with her mom’s OCD genes, our sugar bear sticks her finger in one of only two holes, as though a petroleum-based Dracula was stealing our child’s breathe-right.

So as I’m tightening the lid to the vampire-punctured Honest Breath Easy jar, and snapping the lid of baby lotion, and wrestling the Healing Balm lid out of her mouth (she loves to bite this tube open for some reason, we start the never-ending battle of the onesie pajamas.

Ever tried to put on skinny jeans while you’re wet? Ever tried to hammer a square peg through a circular hole? That’s about how that feels when she hasn’t had proper time to air dry. So finally, she’s ready for bed and mom and dad are ready for a drink, it’s time to read and read and read. Then rock, maybe sing some “Such Great Heights” and then pray to the sweet Lord Jesus that the little bear sleeps through the night.

And she doesn’t.

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